I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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