u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
