Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
