I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do vagina's smell?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
