I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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