Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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