1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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