You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize