Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
