i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
