at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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