I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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