So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
