My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
