Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
