one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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