It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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