If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
