thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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