He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
