I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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