btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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