Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink