you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......