We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.