I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude