There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?