I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
