I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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