you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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