Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize