You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
