it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
