Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
