When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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