Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
