I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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