There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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