You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
