everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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