you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
