i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I did not marry a roomba.
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