Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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