Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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