My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
