Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
