so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
