just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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