I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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