my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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