i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
