And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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