I will die if light touches me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
