There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
