I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i believe in u and ur pee
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