if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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