So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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