The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
