She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
