at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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