Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
