The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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