My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
