just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
