You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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