I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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