Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
