Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize