I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
