i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
