Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
