i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
