i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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